


Winning the White House

by evducky



Category: 2020 Elections, Donald Trump - Fandom, Joe Biden - Fandom
Genre: 2020 US Presidential Election, American Politics, Elections, Hate to Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Politics, Rivalry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evducky/pseuds/evducky
Summary: Joe Biden and Donald Trump have been at each other's throats for the past year, both aiming to win over the American public. Please don't judge me this is a joke
Relationships: Bernie Sanders/Donald Trump, Joe Biden/Donald Trump, Mike Pence/Donald Trump, Mike Pence/Fly
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Winning the White House

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I'm not writing this because I enjoy it

Joe Biden has several pet peeves. He doesn't like being shoved against walls and he doesn't like being interrupted--especially not by someone covered in improperly applied orange bronzer. It shouldn't come as a surprise, though, that videos of his egotistical Republican counterpart shouting over him pop up in every nook of the internet. He's even come across clips of the debate on Pornhub, for fucks sake. It disturbs him. It really does--the idea that his argument with Trump could be interpreted in any other way than a presidential debate. He just wants to be able to get off to videos of horses trampling people in peace without depraved individuals plastering Trump's eye-catching face everywhere. 

If his past self from 10 years ago could see the shit he's forced to deal with, he would have surely sobbed with horror and disbelief. Trump is the most ridiculous man he's met, and he can't believe someone like this is running the country. Of course, Joe is vehemently racist, but basic common sense tells him not to openly announce it every chance he gets. Donald is an idiot, and it's mind-boggling how he gets away with it.

So when Donald Trump's COVID-19 diagnosis is announced, Joe compels himself to see it as a positive thing. This should definitely be setting the Trump campaign back. And yet, there's a sick, twisting feeling in his gut as he frantically scans news articles to keep track of his opponent's condition.

\---

Donald is not having a good day.

After spending the past two days coughing through his family dinners and meetings and secret back-room meetings with Mike, he's been diagnosed with the dreaded virus. It was humiliating, being dragged out of Mike's arms and being frog-marched out of the White House, but now he's alone in a hospital room. The nurse isn't even that hot!

He reaches for the remote and turns on the TV. He doesn't normally watch the news. His favorite channel is a wildlife one where gorillas wrestle nonstop, but the hospital TV is clearly faulty. There are more pressing matters he must attend to. To his chagrin, the news anchor is not young or attractive. Disgusting! But that's expected for a news channel like Fake News CNN. He tries to listen to what the bearded man on the TV is saying, and his entire body stiffens like one of his crush's starched white collars. 

Joe Biden and Mike Pence have both tested negative for COVID-19, and Trump is baffled. He hadn't planned on being alone in the hospital. 

He prides himself on his intelligence and self-awareness, so of course, he's known for quite a long time that he caught the virus. And while he may not know much about the disease ravaging his nation, he is aware of a couple of things. Firstly, he can confirm that the virus is deadly for the unpatriotic, the cowardly, and the undeserving. Secondly, it's spread through the nose or the mouth. Maybe it comes from the upper lip, but he's deduced that transmission has to do with that region. He's smug about his discovery. It took him months of grueling analysis of the influx of mask-wearing to figure it out, but the lengthy and complex conclusion he came to all on his own was absolutely worth it. Unfortunately, his cleverness falls short of answering the pressing question that's buzzing throughout his head. Why have none of his lovers tested positive? 

He did everything in his power to ensure that he wouldn't be by himself, bored, surrounded by nurses who aren't young and supple and attractive. And yet he's somehow failed. 

He spent the past few weeks in close proximity with the Vice President. Whether it had been cuddling sessions in broom closets, making out in small rooms, or doing other things in enclosed spaces, he did his best to breathe into Mike's warm mouth as much as possible.

Similarly, he did his best to get Joe Biden sick. He spent around an hour applying extra coats of his orange color-corrector to look extra bronzed and handsome right before the debate to catch Joe's eye and rushed to the venue to set his plan in action. After some quiet stalking, he snuck up on Joe Biden exiting the bathroom into a mostly deserted hallway. Lunging forward, he grabbed Joe's arm and spun him around fluidly, shoving him into the wall before tearing his mask off and breathing heavily in his face. Trump let himself flatten one small palm against his rival's rapidly beating chest. Biden somehow managed to push him away, gasping and shouting. Donald felt very pleased as he watched the man stumble down the hallway. Clearly, Joe was amazed by his luck and was head-over-heels in love with the gorgeous politician who had just accosted him.

**Author's Note:**

> im only doing this so that we can get 69 works in joe biden/donald trump


End file.
